The Nepal Bus Experience

Now that we're safely out of Nepal I wanted to share with you some of the rules of driving a bus there that Sean and I have learned:

• Bus drivers must have first attended Lewis Hamilton's school of speed. Every bus driver is required by law to drive as fast as possible at all times - especially on those hair pin mountain side bends as the gravity of the top of the bus tipping will get you around the corner more smoothly.
• Bus stops are for wimps. Customers must be picked up wherever they stand. This could be outside their house, then outside their neighbours house, then 2 more metres down the road, maybe also whilst they are picking fruit up a tree or visiting the outside toilets. They will shout. You will stop.
• Music must be played loudly in order to protect the bus from certain death. The selected songs have to be over 12 minutes long with no more than an 8 bar set of repeated verse. It is compulsory for this song to start from the beginning after every pick up/drop off (please note the frequency of these stops in point 2 above such that you'll know you only need one song even if the journey is several hours)
• The Nepalese government currently has a 'learn to swim' program in place each monsoon season whereby if you buy a bus ticket, you get a free swimming lesson. They have done this by ensuring no bus is water tight and made it compulsory for all windows and roofs to leak heavily. Flotation devices are not included.
• The horn MUST must be pressed constantly whenever overtaking.
• Overtaking is mandatory at all times.
• Bus drivers should never stop for any human being (they are responsible for getting themselves out of the way) - however you must always slam breaks on hard for a goat or cow.
• When all seats are taken, it is obligatory for standing room to be filled until at least 6 people are not actually touching any floor, side or ceiling.