TheBigTrip: To Hell('s Gate) And Back

It's been said time and again that one of the key lessons in life is to always go with your first instinct. Rarely has this been more true than in our experience with Hell's Gate National Park. Arriving in Naivasha, I was inclined to pass up the $60 required to hire a bike and cycle the park, and to convince Jen to do the same, but at the last moment - and against all my instincts - changed my mind and went on in. For this, if for no other reason, I am forever a moron.

I should have known I was onto a loser when the sweltering heat and bad dirt road meant that I was knackered after riding just the 2km up to the main gate of the park. My mood didn't improve when we had to pay extra to take in the bikes we'd hired at the bottom of the climb because we weren't hiring ones from the park itself. Still, the worst was over, wasn't it? Was it bollocks. Our ultimate goal for the day was to reach Hell's Gate itself at the far end of the park, but fools that we were we decided to take a detour on the way to the intriguingly-named Obsidian Caves. Now, I like obsidian - it's black and shiny and cool. These caves were not. In fact, they weren't really even caves. There was some obsidian lying around in the dirt, but there is obsidian lying around in the dirt all over Naivasha, so I didn't need to come to these sodding "caves" to see that. And I certainly didn't need to ride as far as we did to get there. We were not amused.

So that left us with the main ride, some 14km more in searing heat and largely on slow, uncomfortable dirt and rock tracks to Hell's Gate itself. Which is a lookout over a small canyon. There was a kiosk. The views were decent and there were some interesting rock formations nearby. That was about it, though we did come virtually face-to-knee with a giraffe in the middle of the road, which was pretty cool and the undoubted highlight. And then we had to ride back. When it was even hotter.

My advice. Don't go to Hell's Gate. Just go to Hell. It will be cooler, cheaper and infinitely more enjoyable.

Thankfully, our other experiences in the Lake Naivasha area have been far more positive. Our campsite was big and lush with a good bar and located right next to the lake itself, allowing for hippo viewing during the day (when they were in the water and no threat) and hippo hearing at night (when they were on land and there was thankfully an electric fence between them and us). Naivasha has also marked a transitional time for the truck. Sadly, our two companions to date and top blokes all round, Dave and Jake, both left us - Dave to head home and Jake to continue his travels first in London and then in Peru. The loss of the lads was softened however by the gaining of Krissie, a Scottish lass who was to continue on the truck all the way to Johannesburg, and Nina, a German girl who was joining for a couple of weeks before she decided to get her extreme on and climb Mt Kilimanjaro.

So it was with Krissie that Jen and I joined Timmy Bloom, a local legend and mate of Chris, for an exploration of the lovely Green Crater Lake. To call Timmy an inspiration would be under-rating him - he walks with the aid of crutches, but is a tour guide and entrepreneur who is hugely active in Naivasha life, has worked in the slums of Nairobi to improve the lot of the local kids, has run for mayor and is now aiming to climb Mt Kenya for charity. Our day out at Green Crater Lake was lovely - all on foot and right up close with a lot of animals, particularly giraffes, while the scenery was great too.

There were no big predators or even the mythic "Big 5", but that didn't overly bother me. This obsession everyone in Africa seems to have with with ticking off the Big 5 (Lion, Leopard, Elephant, Rhino, Buffalo) is a little bit lost on me. Who decides on what the Big 5 are? And does seeing them mean you're having a better time than people who aren't? Buffaloes are a Big 5 animal, and are impressive enough for sure, but I'm not nearly as interested in or enraptured by them as I am by such things as cheetahs, hippos or giraffes for example, none of which are part of the exclusive Big 5 crowd. I really want to see lions and leopards on this trip, but I want to see them because they are beautiful, fascinating creatures, not because they'll help me tick off a checklist. Meh, anyway. Rant over. *steps down from soapbox*

The day concluded with a boat cruise across yet another, smaller, lake in the region. This lake is noteworthy for being the home to both a large colony of flamingos and to dozens of hippos. Watching the flamingos take off and land in their thousands across the lake was a glorious sight while as for the hippos - well, I just sodding love the bastards. Big, round, cute (but incredibly dangerous!) grey and pink masses lazing and swimming and flipping in the water all day. They're bloody fantastic things - I reckon if one had to come back as an animal, you could do a lot worse than to come back as a hippo.

Our final stop in the rift valley was at Longonot, a huge crater mountain rising monolithically up from the valley floor and offering intrepid hikers (and me) the chance to climb it for some spectacular views. And spectacular they most certainly were. The hike up took an hour or so, just enough to get our sweat on and feel utterly out of breath (or was that just me?) but the vistas over the crater itself and across the rift valley beyond more than made up for it. We had the full compliment with us for this one - Nina came along, presumably to get some hiking practice in for her upcoming Kilimanjaro trek, and even Chris took time out from his work on the truck to join us.

And so that ended our rift valley adventures. Next up we continue west toward one of the big ticket items of Kenya - and indeed all of Africa - the Maasai Mara.

But seriously, give Hell's Gate a miss.

Things Jennie will remember:

1) Timmy Bloom - what a star! He wants to be the first person on crutches to climb Mount Kenya (in 2012). If anyone can think of a cool name for this expedition - something that is catchy and will help with sponsorship etc - then please do email me your suggestions... come on, I know there are some creative types amongst you readers!

2) That hippos make a sound rather like Jabba The Hut

3) Jake and Dave - fantastic lads! We'll miss you!

4) I'll remember that I wish to forget Hell's Gate... although the part with the giraffe standing right in front of us on the road was pretty cool.

5) Thinking how amazing it was to be standing in the middle of all those giraffes at Green Crater, and then thinking how that kicked the ass off the giraffe experience at Hell's Gate, and then realising that I could now forget Hell's Gate altogether.

6) Did I mention that I wish to forget Hell's Gate?

7) Our camp fire chicken stew - yum yum!

8) The flamingos taking off over our heads on the lake - they have to do this comedy run on the water before they become airborne and it's very funny to watch!